How to Score an Authentic Hermes Birkin Bag Today (or Tomorrow)

People are always asking me how they can get a Birkin bag at Hermès TODAY (or tomorrow). Well here's the bottom line on that:

1) Read my book. I can assure you that after reading my book you'll know how to get a Birkin today.

or
2) Buy from a reputable re-seller. You'll pay a premium but you don't even have to get dressed or leave the comfort of your home. A couple of clicks, or a phone call, a bank wire, and voila...the bag will be at your home in about 24 to 48 hours.

or
3) Pay an Hermès sales associate a few thousand dollars (obviously not inside the store...this tactic has to be done surreptitiously) or buy them a very pricey (as in a few thousand dollars) gift.  It's that old saying: Money talks, bullshit walks. This tactic works quite well and can be used repeatedly. (This is one of the favored methods of the gals at the Purse Forum.)