Hermes Store Employee Roster - Part 2 of 6

The Farmer

• Gender: Female

• Sexual Preference: what? Are you kidding?

• Age:50-70 (but looks and acts not a day over 90)

• Hair: gray with highlights of chicken-piss yellow

• Teeth: possibly

• Motto: "You'll never see a Birkin in this lifetime"

• Percentage in Hermès Captivity: 5-10%

• Likelihood of Birkin Purchase: see Motto

• Previous Job: meatpacking plant foreman

• The Lowdown: this woman was born into a farming family from the hinterlands, raised on a diet of condensed milk and cattle by-products. She hates money and anyone who has it. The idea of a handbag that costs more than her car awakens both loathing and confusion in her soul. One can only wonder why she is inevitably store manager; perhaps some strange work release program of the fifties

• Male Approach: avoid at all costs due to potential for catching any number of agrarian-related illnesses. If interaction is inevitable, compliment her fake pearl studs. Brace yourself for rejection coupled with overwhelming waft of clinical halitosis.