Saturday, March 22, 2014

Hermes Store Employee Roster - Part 2 of 6

The Farmer

  • Gender: Female

  • Sexual Preference: what? Are you kidding?

  • Age:50-70 (but looks and acts not a day over 90)

  • Hair: gray with highlights of chicken-piss yellow

  • Teeth: possibly

  • Motto: "You'll never see a Birkin in this lifetime"

  • Percentage in Hermès Captivity: 5-10%

  • Likelihood of Birkin Purchase: see Motto

  • Previous Job: meatpacking plant foreman

  • The Lowdown: this woman was born into a farming family from the hinterlands, raised on a diet of condensed milk and cattle by-products. She hates money and anyone who has it. The idea of a handbag that costs more than her car awakens both loathing and confusion in her soul. One can only wonder why she is inevitably store manager; perhaps some strange work release program of the fifties

  • Male Approach: avoid at all costs due to potential for catching any number of agrarian-related illnesses. If interaction is inevitable, compliment her fake pearl studs. Brace yourself for rejection coupled with overwhelming waft of clinical halitosis. 


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Freaking hilarious

Blog Archive

REVIEWS

NBC-TV/Today Show
Summer Reading Round-Up


Bringing Home the Birkin
top 10 summer reads!

WATCH THE VIDEO:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/24775399#24775399

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NEW YORK TIMES
SUNDAY BOOK REVIEW

May 18, 2008
Bag Man
By CHRISTINE MUHLKE

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/18/books/review/Muhlke-t.html?_r=2&scp=1&sq=michael%20tonello&st=cse&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

ONE STOP MEDIA / PRESS SHOP:

CBS / THE EARLY SHOW

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4044433n

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NEW ENGLAND CABLE NEWS
http://www.necn.com/Boston/Arts-Entertainment/Hes-got-the-book-on-Birkin-bags/1209994267.html

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BOSTON GLOBE

http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/fashion/articles/2008/04/17/bag_man/
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PUBLISHERS WEEKLY


http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6547849.html?q=%22michael+tonello%22
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USA TODAY

http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/fashion/2008-04-21-birkin-side_N.htm

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