Hermes Store Employee Roster - Part 1 of 6

The Incurable Romantic

• Gender: Male

• Sexual Preference: queer as a three-dollar bill

• Age: 21-60

• Hair: very Vidal Sassoon

• Teeth: highway reflective strip white

• Motto: "Appearance is everything"

• Percentage in Hermès Captivity: 10-15%

• Likelihood of Birkin Purchase: almost 100%

• Previous Job: Gucci

• The Lowdown: this employee outwardly pretends to enjoy his job but is really just hoping to meet Mr. Right (a knight in a shining Hermès croc bomber jacket) and be saved from salesperson serfdom forever

  Male Approach: flirtatious without blowing kisses, create false sense of dating potential. Flash croc agenda book (more subtle than flashing black Amex card) early in encounter to activate his innate gold-digging instincts. In case of extreme desperation (yours, not his) bait him with promise of after-work martinis at local Grand Hotel.

  Female approach: flirt a little too, but better off to compliment his acute sense of style sense, and talk about some hot guy in the store. Also insinuate you have a rich gay cousin you can set him up with.